Life's a Peach (and so am I)

The past week and a half has been rough. Really, it has. I have been itching to write this post, and I've been putting it off at the same time. I even had back-ups ready. Two of them! But last night I sat at this laptop, after thinking all day about the time that has passed since last Monday and the events that have occurred and there was one thing I absolutely could not get off of my mind:

Peaches.

Let me give you some back story here. Things have been... tense for me lately, socially. I know this has been going on since before last Monday, but I guess when my family was here I had let myself forget. I mention in just about every post I make that I've been working on myself a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. Trying to be quieter, trying not to speak about myself so much, trying to focus on others, trying to watch the things I say, trying to be the type of person no one ever says anything to or about.

Now, I don't know if any of you have ever tried to be the perfect person, but let me tell you this: It is impossible, and you will slip up.

I slip up without even knowing it, honestly, but I like to think that since I am trying so hard, it is okay if every now and then I have blunder. So when someone had brought a slip up to my attention and I had found out that I had inadvertently hurt them, it caught me off guard. I couldn't believe I had said something without thinking, and worse... I couldn't believe that I had to apologize. Not that I didn't want to, I definitely wanted to express that I hadn't meant what I said. However, considering that I would rather drink pickle juice than admit that I was wrong sometimes, I am the worst at apologies. Pride aside, I put on my big girl panties and did it. I apologized. Not even a generic sorry in passing, I did put thought into the apology and even mentioned that I would be more careful in the future. I was sorry. I put feelings into it, and though I did still feel bad that I had messed up, I felt good about this apology. I also felt pretty confident that they would accept my apology and things would be fine moving forward.

Except it wasn't. And this person didn't accept my apology. Not only that, but my feelings ended up pretty hurt. I went home that day feeling stupid, and angry, and hurt. In the end I still felt sorry, but upon reviewing the week and how I had been spoken to and treated by people, I realized that that wasn't okay either, regardless of what I said. I had been belittled and ignored in the days preceding, and my feelings had been hurt too. I had felt so bad about my actions that I had forgotten that I had been treated pretty unfairly.  At that moment, I was tired of trying to make friends, I was tired of being treated the way I had been treated that entire week by others, and most of all, I was tired of trying to improve myself if no one was going to care.

I called my best friend from my hometown on my way home and lost it. I told her everything, every jab made at me through the week by various people, every effort I had made to improve things that went unnoticed, and about how I wanted to give up but knew I wouldn't, and at the end of the conversation she asked me something. "Do you feel better?"

"NO!" I said.

I don't remember what else we said in the last few minutes of the call, when I think back to the conversation I just recall that moment. Did I feel better after getting it off my chest? No, I didn't. I really didn't. Still hurt. Still mad. Still done. Home. Mad. Dinner. Mad. Cleaning. Mad. Relaxing. Mad. Bed. Mad. Mad, mad, mad, mad, mad. Wake up. Mad. Check my favorite blogs--Wait.

There it was. I had been so angry that entire time and it had never occured to me that instead of throwing a pity party, I could choose to stop feeling that way. I happened upon a post by Marc and Angel Hack Life called 16 Things Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do. If you haven't read that, do it now. It will change your life. Well, it did mine anyway. I read over the post and came across this:

"Emotionally strong people listen to their own heart and intuition, not the peanut gallery.  So try not to take things other people say about you too personally.  What they think and say is a reflection of them, not you.  Ultimately, you can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you.  All you can do is change how you react and who you choose to be around."

Then, I found this pretty much immediately:

source

 Yes! I immediately felt better. I was looking for the solution to my problems in other people, when the solution was right here. I couldn't force people to like me, forgive me, or speak to me the way I want to be spoken to sometimes. I needed to worry about me, and continue to improve myself. If anything summed up what I felt I needed to do, it was that. I was okay now. It would be okay, and I knew what I had to do. Then I thought of one last thing to tie it all together, and here is where I get to the point.

So here is where the rubber meets the road, my friends: every time I feel like I need to worry what others think of me or how they treat me instead of worrying about what I think of myself, I remember that I am a peach. When I feel pressured to improve myself for others, and forget that this improvement is for me, I remind myself that I am a peach. Not everyone is going to like me, and that is okay. But if I give up before I'm ripe I will never be all that I can be, I'm just going to fall off the tree. And rot.

No one likes rotten peaches.

Please remember that next time you feel down. You're a peach. I'm a peach. The girl who doesn't like me is a peach. Your best friend is a peach. Your nosy coworker is a peach. We are all peaches here, because ultimately life's a peach. Repeat that to yourself: "Life's a peach, and so am I."

I plan on posting on this a lot more in the future because this simple concept has helped me tremendously. I even thought of renaming my blog in honor of it, however I decided to keep my name and pay tribute in the form of the peach in my new logo. :)

I'd love to hear if this can relate to you! If you're going through a tough time and this helped you out, or if you really just need somewhere to vent and someone to remind you what a peach you are, comment below or you're welcome to email me!

Until next time, my fellow peaches.